Purni's Wedding Dairies...: December 2012

Nov 17th

The Wedding...the Anand Karaj...the Kalyanam...the Shaddi

Meri Banno Ki Aayegi Baraat,....
Ke dhol bajao ji....
Meri Laa-do ki Aayegi Baraat,....
Ke dhol bajao ji...

4 months ago...

...when I told my friend Jasmine about Purni and Raja and their upcoming nuptials, she asked me "tho Anand Karaj kab hai?", Kya Madrasi shaddi ussi din rakenge? ya dono hoga ek hi din? And as we further discussed and talked, there were questions, questions...and more questions...!!

...this was the question that my Amma asked, my Chachi asked, our families and friends in the US, in India, in Dubai...what will it be?

...In the meantime, I had some fun scenarios running in my mind...

Scenario: At the Madrasi-Kanada, Brahmana shaddi

Location: Edison...Bridgewater temple...

Scene 1: Raja wearing the 9 yards of dhoti - Kacche Panche style

The grooms party enter the temple on the morning of the marriage...Raja the groom, looking handsome, walks in, wearing a beautiful sherwani...

Prakash Uncle (the brides father) takes him aside and tells him that he now has to wear the 9 yards white silk dhoti in the Kache panche style and gives him the folded silk material...

Raja - oh sure Dad...(his one eyebrow is raised in that Bharat Natyam style...)

Raja looks at Papa Singh and whispers:

.......Eide naal key Karan (what do I do with this?)

.....Enu main kistra pegana (How am I supposed to wear this?)

...Papaji - Aare mai kithha fasgaya ( what have I got into!!!)

Singh Uncle shakes his head...

Anyway, between Prakash Uncle and Ravi (Ashu's husband), they manage to wrap the 9 yards on Raja...and then the Shala is wrapped around his shoulders...they fix a belt around the waist...to holdfast the dhoti, you see!! In all Madrasi or South Indian marraiges, you sit down on a very low plank of wood or the Mane, and all through the rituals, you get up about 50 times and then sit down back on the mane about 80 times and then do about 90 namaskars...(Your muscles, and limbs go through a major workout...)

Looking very debonair in his dhoti, Raja walks into the Mantap...the crowd sighs with admiration...you can hear the mami's at the back whispering.."So handsome!!, Just like an Iyer boy!...Rama Rama...may this jodi live blissfully together...""

Scene 2: Kashi yatra

Another ceremony during a Brahmin wedding, is where the groom decides (pretends) to leave the materialistic world and all the worldly pleasures and embark on a journey to seek the ULTIMATE Truth. Kashi, Benarus or Varnasi is his destination. He would sit on the banks of the river Ganges and meditate and be enlightened...

At this juncture, he is stopped by the bride's father and is persuaded to accept the responsibility of his daughter...

Take 1...ACTION

Raja: Ok guys, I am leaving for Kashi....See you in a few...

The Punjabi crowd have a smile...you see Anpu has given them a 101 class on the Madrasi shaddi ka customs, ...but yaar, ab tho location change bantha hai jee...Probably the Swiss Alps, or the Caribbean...where one can be at peace and lose to nature

Raja gets into the limo flanked by Amit, his Jiju...and he sees Prakash uncle running towards him holding an open umbrella...

Prakash Uncle is shouting: Stop...Stop Raja...Stop! ...he is still holding the open umbrella

...Raja stops...looks up...the sky is blue,...no clouds,...It is not raining!!! so why is Dad holding an Umbrella?? what is going on dude? he looks perplexed at Amit...Amit shrugs his shoulders

...Prakash uncle: Raja, pls stop...you don't have to go...it was a pretend thing...pls come back...i will give you anything you ask... we are running late, beta...

..Raja: What...a pretend?? then why have it?? No worries dad, I will walk back to the mantap...but btw you would have looked cool carrying a Burberry umbrella, dad!

Raja returns back to the mantap and Purni...

CUT...Wrap up time...Probably, I should take up screenplay or script writing as an alternative job...(smile)

Now most of you are aware, that for any traditional South Indian marriage, the wedding time is arrived at, from multiple astrological algorithms, the stars and Sun alignment...the day of the week, time time of the day…no way, can one get married at Rahukalam...essentially the entire constellation and calendar alignments and then the location is taken into consideration. You think this is too much!! Wait, very often 2 to 3 Purohitas (Pandit) are consulted...and then the wedding time (Muhuratham),is derived...Crazy to go through this dance drama right (smile)...but to all seriousness, this system has worked for many hundreds of years...probably centuries,...the belief and faith are unshakable...and who wants to take a risk going against the system.!!! Shiv Shiva no way…

Sorry for digressing...anyway per the purohitas, Oct 27th was identified as the suitable South Indian wedding date but due to unavoidable circumstances, the Anand Karaj or the Sikh wedding, could not be conducted on that date. After some discussions, it was decided to hold the auspicious Ganesh homa on the Oct 27th and conduct the Anand Karaj on Nov 17th.

Wedding date: Nov 17^th
Location: At the Gurudwara at Glen Cove, Long Island NY

Phew,...finally we had a wedding date to work from...and Purni and Raja sent out the "Save the date" invitations...don’t they both look lovely...(smile)

We then checked out with friends on the various aspects of a Sikh wedding…Hate to say, we have many Sikh friends...but the only event, we knew was the SANGEET...thanks to Bollywood!...

so here was what we learnt of the various ceremonies in a Sikh marraige:

Milni: Ritual where both the sides are introduced

Kirtan: Shabad singing in the Gurudwara

Ardas: A Punjabi Sikh prayer that is done before performing or after undertaking any significant task; after reciting the daily Banis (prayers); or completion of a service like the Paath (scripture reading/recitation. The prayer is a plea to God to support and help the devotee with whatever he or she is about to undertake or has done.

Kanyadan: where the Bride’s father gives his daughters hand in the hands of the groom

Pala Phadahana: where the ends of the grooms stole is given to the bride to hold – earlier to the pheras

Laanva Phere: the bride and groom will walk in tow around the Guru Granth Sahib four times. After this the groom applies Sindoor (vermilion) to the girl’s hair partition

Vidaai/Doli: where the bride departs to her marital home

With the dates fixed, the wedding shopping became a reality! We had to shift gears from virtual browsing on the net (read this fun post on the Shaddi ka shopping) to actual travelling across the seven seas and 2 oceans to India and do some serious shopping...Tickets were booked to Mumbai, ...addresses to all the favorite shops put down, ...Maps and how to travel from 1 point to another were drawn,...101 to 401 type classes in Bargaining was given to Shyla...Hindi speech was polished,...Mumbai friends contacted in case of help was needed,...acceptable and expected prices were shared,...schedules were drawn...!!! Since there would be more than 4 cases…Raghav and Mytri were to get back the extra cases. Tan Tana Tan…we were ready!!!

Now, earlier to this, some of Shyla's Tampa friends coming back from their holiday in India had gladly brought back stuff…our Mama and mami visiting the US to participate in their son's graduation were also assigned to bring back dome needed wedding stuff. So when our cousin Kartik (the guy graduating) sent an email meantioning that his parents were planning to visit the US along with his parents-in-law, ...asap, a call went to Shyla…

We: Hey did you check Kartik’s email…Chandra mama, Vasanta aunty and Rekha’s parents are coming…that means 8 suitcases…I am sure they will have 2 suitcases empty for you to get the wedding stuff…

Shyla: You are right…and he is the Mama…he will surely get…But what do I ask him to get?

We:hmmm…stuff mami can just buy…standard stuff…sending list. What!!!why 6 dozens…say 12 dozens…they will reduce/bring only 8 dozens…

LOL....Does'nt this conversation sound familiar…does this happen in your house too?(smile)

Finally, a confident Shyla reached Mumbai,…scouted the listed and unlisted shops for a week…we had daily talks from the US…planned the daily run…and then Purnima landed in Mumbai!!..reached home, refreshed and immediately the trio – Purnima, Shyla and my mom left for shopping….and the next 3 days were back to back sessions of shopping, shopping and more shopping…The Lehenga and the outfit for the Sangeet was picked up, tried and tested, pics sent to Ashu for approval and ‘what do you think’, adjusted and ready…so were rest of the dresses, slinky chiffons and jewelry…3 days and her wedding trousseau was ready!...We also had Bindhya’s mom (she is a designer),helping her with selecting the Lehenga and stuff… …7 days after Purni landed in Mumbai, she was back in the US with the trousseau and getting to work the next day…Jetlag does not hit this family…(smile). Purni was then introduced to Raja’s mom’s (Hansa aunty…)friend who is a divine makeup artist…the hairstylist for the wedding was also available…Mind you, you have to try on the exact makeup and style you plan to wear earlier to the wedding…saves a lot of hassle of redoing, tears and stress…

Lehenga ready, Jewelry selected, makeup and hair style picked out…Purnima was ready for the wedding by the end of Oct.

The gorgeous Red Lehenga… Intricately woven with exquisite embroidery and semi-precious white stones,...exuding an appearance of utmost elegance and charm. Very ornate…absolutely Bridal and so very gorgeous…!! Sigh…

Now since the Gurudwara was in Long Island, the plan was for the bridal party to stay at the Grand Hyatt in Long Island. The Hyatt was about 40 minutes away, so extremely convenient …and rooms were reserved in the name of Purnima and Raja’s wedding
I have to mention here about the hurricane Sandy…and the devastating effects in the Northeastern states of NY, NJ especially. Electricity was out for weeks…airports shut down, , Gas restrictions…Trust me, landing in NJ, I was shocked…endless lines for gas, huge trees snapped down…the roads were eerily empty…I still recall the call from Raja’s mom…worried about the impact of Sandy on the wedding events and if people could reach on time and if things could go as planned…Here is where I put a hand on my heart and say thank the lord, we did the Ganesh homa at Shyla’s place (the homa is a very large prayer, done to curb all the impediments that come on ones’ way of success.)….Same as the Kirtan at Raja’s home…This is where the commonalities come in all our marriage’s…the prayer and wishes for everything to go smooth and well

On the grooms end, guests had already arrived at Raja’s place in Long Island…

Count down in hours begins…

Nov 16^th – 5:00 PM EST

Bridal party arrives at the Grand Hyatt…

Nov 16^th – 8:00 PM EST

Bridal party meet in the lower conference room…Lovely to see everyone,…general discussion and logistics of what to do at the Gurudwara happens. Diyas were lit in front of the Devre (God) and both the sets of grandparents and with folded hands, eyes closed, a heartful prayer went to them…seeking their blessings or Ashirwada for the wedding…

Dinner was Iyengari Puliogare (Tamarind rice) and Curds rice for some, Pizzas and Pasta for the rest…The Puliogare was divine…

Morning of the wedding Nov 17^th – 5:00 AM EST…

Purni and 2 of her friends Priya and Mala Anant leave for the Gurudwara.to get dressed up and ready for the wedding. The Makeup and hairstylist were to meet at the Gurudwara…

Ok…there was a part in us that said…Purni will be missing out on all of us (us meaning 20 women) telling her what to wear and how to wear her makeup – Typical comments like...OMG! you have too much blush on!! hmmm the lipstick is tooo bright!!! Eyeliner toomba jasthi (too much in kanada, , advising her on her clothes…- aiyyo too tight…omg wear the pallu properly,…hmm the blouse neckline toomba deep…!! We madrasis are pretty conservative on clothes and makeup…it is just the way, we have been brought up…cannot change your DNA right!. Glad Hansa aunty has gently advised Purni on everything, and has married Purni’s style to the bling and elegance that she wants her daughter (in-law) to be and carry off (Betw I hate the word [in-law]…puts a barrier, when it needn’t be)

7:30 AM EST…

The limo arrives and we are all ready, dressed in our Kanjeevarams for the wedding…the men in their sherwani’s …yes the dress code for the men was Sherwani or a dress pant-shirt…

Prabha chitti is kinda worried on how she will be able to wear the pallu on her head for the next 4 hrs…she knows that I have 3 rolls of double sided scotch tape…she is not convinced it will work!...Anyway a happy but a quiet group reach the Gurdwara….As we enter, my brother and bhabi pull in…other members of the family too arrive…We rush to the 1^st floor dressing room and what a sight we behold….

Resplendent in her red lehenga, Purni is standing by the window…and looking oh so gorgeous!!…her kohl rimmed eyes so mesmerizing…the jewelry so elegant, understated allowing the Purni that we know to shine…make up so perfect…the Odhani so well draped…we could hear the chink-chink of her Chudas and the Kalirey… we were spellbound, when a beautiful smile lit up her face, and with eyes twinkling…(she knew, she was looking oh so beautiful…that Raja’s heart would skip a beat, when he sees her at the ceremony)…she asks the question ’So, How do I look’? (smile)

8:30 AM EST…

The entire Bridal party of family and friends arrive. This is once when everyone is on time!!...The men cover their head with a large square piece of cloth…Prakash Uncle tries out wearing the turban...wow…he looks good. Next Ravi wears one and then…slowly the rest of the menfolk start clamoring for turbans…the guys get so excited that everyone starts to lookout for some turban material, those wearing the sherwani’s decide to fold their stoles into a turban. They pull in a priest and seek his help to tie the turban…that day, that morning…the Iyers became Iyer Singh

The women on the other hand were in their Kanjeevarams, gold and diamonds…we then cut strips of scotch tape and stuck the pallu to the head…now the pallus would remain in place at the very least until noon!

9:00 AM EST…

We go down and partake the breakfast…Masala Chai, Coffee, Fresh orange juice, sandwiches, fruit, biscuits, farsan, Parata…a feast…and the day was yet to start…

9:30 AM EST…

…and then we heard, the faint beats of the dhol…everyone rushed out…and there at a distance…against the backdrop of the soft blue skies and the rising sun… we see a beautifully decorated horse with the groom sitting on it…Men dressed in white Sherwanis and maroon turbans dancing to the beat,....Women dressed in soft pastels, and bright oranges, pinks and greens, dancing to the dhol…Henned hands up in the air, moving to the Dhol…the Churas, the Kadas and the bracelets catching the sun…casting shimmers of light in the quiet morning…

…The Baraat had come…

...the Baraat had come…

…And then we saw Raja resplendent in his gold Sherwani on a white horse…

…his face covered with the Sehra, his one hand holding the reins,the other holding the sword…

…searching the crowd for one glance of his beautiful bride, little did he know, she too was waiting for that one glimpse of him…

…he looked at his dad, standing by him with pride; his mother, who dotes on him

...his sister, who has always been special to him and his friends with whom he has shared many happy times

… still searching the crowd for one glance of his beautiful bride…

The Baraat continued to dance and the bride’s party joined them…The Ghode(horse) then stopped and Amit and Ravi helped Raja get down from the horse…

And then with the dhol still playing, the Milni ceremony began with an Ardas and the fathers of the bride and groom exchanged garlands and those Jadoo ki chappies…this was followed by Hansa and Shyla exchanging garlands and hugs…followed by the sons-in-law – Amit and Ravi and then the daughters - Binti and Ashwini…

Everyone slowly made their way to the Gurdwara...Raja flanked by his parents,...his sister and Amit following him…the rest of group followed…each sitting down on the soft carpeted floor, and those couldn’t,...sat down on the benches at the back

The Guru Granth Sahib sat splendid on a raised platform adorned with ornate drapes…divinity amongst the humans…there was an absolute hush in the large hall…not a voice or a whisper, decorum maintained. And then the Ardas began, followed by the Priest singing the Paath accompanied by the harmonium…beautiful renditions - melodious, serene and soulful…

I have heard the Paath singing at the Golden temple in Amritsar, at the Gurudwara close to my home, my friend Jaspreet sing or on the Zee channel at 6 AM EST…I understand some,... as it is very close to hindi…but wherever you hear it, it fills you with peace, calmness, a ‘sukoon’ that you are grateful for...

And then two beautiful little flower girls entered the hall – Sahana and Sia…carrying the flower baskets...scattering flower petals along the way….followed by Purni, Shyla and Prakash uncle, and her friends…all heads turned to watch the procession…

The Paath singing....

The Kanyadan & the Pala Phadahana

The Laanva Phere:

After the Pheras...a beautiful song in Punjabi, of a daughter departing to her husband's home was sung...a sad song...where the bride on one hand is excited to join her husband and start a life with him,...but on the other hand, she has to leave her childhood home, the home where she grew up,...her parents,...their love...shelter...and support....the only people she has known as 'hers' ...The song also depicts the anguish of the parents who have to bid adiew to thei daughter...happy that their daughter is married to a man worthy of her...but are sad to let her go...the song was full of pathos...you could see everyone except for the Madrasi crowd shedding a tear or two....or had their eyes moist...!!! (Usha and myself looked at each other and shook our heads!! )My darling family had not understood this Babul song hence....(smile)

Tying the Mangalsutra...

The Photosessions...the sessions continued for a very long time...every family and every friend had their picture taken with the married couple...

The Lunch....

The Vidaai/Doli:

I have to share this...look carefully, Purni is all happy and smiling at her Vidaai...people asked her to shed her tear...but her logic was why cry...when I am going to another mom's home!!...Her cousin and brother-in-law were howling with laughter as they pushed the car~(carried the doli).